Dialogue, Rage and the Loss of Curiosity

An initial attempt to document some of the thoughts I’ve been wrestling with around the idea of dialogue lately.

my initial stream of thoughts…

It’s hard not to be frustrated right now. I think everyone (probably) feels it to some degree: It’s nearly impossible to have fruitful dialogues across idealogical divides. It hasn’t always been like this. I remember working at an old job with people of varying beliefs and being able to have real conversations with folks. I coud express myself without concern that the person on the other side of the table was going to damn me to hell and likewise. We could look at each other and see a human sitting across from us and attend to one another with respect even where we disagreed.

Things have changed though. This more often than not no longer reflects reality. I think I first noticed it in earnest trying to dialogue with an acquaintence about the German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer. This was around 2014 I believe and they asked if I’d read the latest biography that had become immensely popular in the evangelical crowd. I responded that I hadn’t but that I loved Bonhoeffer’s work so they asked me why I hadn’t read the biography. I was honest; I shared that I’d explored reading it and had read a number of reviews and that I didn’t actually trust the author as he’d taken a German Liberal protestant and twisted his work to fit a conservative evangelical framing. The response I got was a strong “That’s not true; Bonhoeffer wasn’t a Liberal Protestant” so I offered to walk through Bonhoeffer’s actual words and theology and I got a stronger “That’s not true - stop talking.” The ”stop talking” might have been implied from the strength of the “That’s not true” but the truth of that situation was clear: their is no room for discussion or dialogue - the facts don’t actually matter.

I run into this same general framework over and over again. Predominantly it’s an attitude I experience coming from those that lean strongly right-ward (in theology, in politics, in economics, etc) but I’m increasingly experiencing it from all sides.

Recently I was watching this youtube video that came up on the homepage titled “Dr Mike vs 20 Anti-Vaxxers”. As I watched it struck me how their particular notion of dialogue is letting a random person rant/preach/vent (and almost always lie) to this professional taking time to try and engage while giving very little actual space for him to engage.

It struck me that the other ones of those I’ve watched are setup similarly (1 Progressive vs 20 Trump Supporters, Pete Buttigieg vs 25 undecided voters). It’s designed to be rage bait. It’s designed to entertain. It’s designed for different sides to feel like they can “score” points. But no real curiosity is fostered. At least not with people that need it.

I’m trying to figure out what happened. I grew up in church settings being taught that truth matters, that absolute truth is a real thing and that worship, faith and integrity is tied to our ability live truth. Yet what I’m seeing from these circles I’ve known most of my life is a blatant disregard for anything resembling truth in favor of lies. Nowadays I can’t even share a verifieable, proven-beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt fact without being damned to hell or some such nonsense.

I mean, I know some of what happened. I witnessed it first hand growing up in the church and around churchy people. Powerful people with hate-filled hearts and greedy apetites that won’t ever be satiated figured out how to capture a voting block. They spent years, decades really, grooming this voting block and manufacturing enemies to the point that nothing mattered more than defeating these enemies. Not truth. Not the humanity of those they othered. Not even their own humanity¹.

This all collided head first with something many of them (and many more not in the church) thought to be unthinkable: a black man was elected president. The stranglehood on power that whiteness held was directly challenged. People were emboldened to let the darkness in their hearts emerge in full force against that which they’d been groomed to hate: foreigners, lgbt people and “the libs” more widely. Dialogue was no longer necessary because they were the enemy.

I’m left trying to figure out how I respond in a healthy way. Hate isn’t it. I know I’m not interested in dehumanizing people, period. Hate and anger has to be turned against ideologies, not people. So how do I foster curiosity in the people around me? Is it even possible? I’m at a point where someone telling me “That’s not true” to a fact is not going to cut it. I’m at a point where staying silent isn’t even possible (been there for awhile actually).

In any case, this will be a to be continued…